December 14th, 1779

It being the Tuesday before my audience with the king, I had felt it necessary to break off the liason between Thierry and I. Therefore, with a firm heart, I called him to the library, where I resolutely gave him my reasons, and asked that he leave and not attempt to see me ever again.

Distraught though he was at this, he seemed to accept it. He left Sully shortly thereafter. Making plans to visit R- at his home where we moved him as soon as he was well enough I prepared to leave home. Hearing a commotion at the entrance I sent Pauline to inquire after it's cause. She returned shortly and informed me that Thierry had attempted to return and see me. I had taken the precaution of informing the household that he was not to be admitted, and so he was eventually persuaded to depart.

I myself left to see R- shortly thereafter, fearing that Thierry might stop the carriage or cause some kind of scene, but he did not appear. F- was there, and I spoke to both of them of my decision and impending audience, and also of the incident already related. They questioned my resolve, but I am proud to admit that I held firm.

Upon returning to Sully I received a letter from Mme Le Sang-Boeuf who said that a lackey had delivered it, and insisted that it should be read by none but me. Opening it I found that it was from Thierry. He wrote:-

"Mme la Comtesse,

I know not in what way I have offended you so deeply that you would seek to overthrow the life we have enjoyed. Time has not been our friend, and society has not welcomed us as we are, it is true; but we have always sought to rise beyond the bounds of formality and to live in accordance with our hearts and minds, rather than as others would have us do. You now tell me that you would prefer the company of one who will rule you, but I believe that this is only the pressure of others. I hope you will remember in time that while it may be of a selfish nature to insist on the life that you wish for, that it is a gift you alone may give. For my part, I am, as I shall always remain...

Your Friend,

T-.

I have read and re-read his words tonight, and they haunt me. I feel as if a great chasm has opened before, and I must surely fall, no matter what.

Olympe, Comtesse

December 13, 1779

These are words which I had hoped not to have to write. I have arranged for an interview with the King, so that I might accept his offer of the Duchy of Bouillon, and in return I will marry within a year a man of my own class and with his permission, giving up any hope of self-reliance.

I am calm, I have cried all of my tears for this fact, and those events which have brought me to it. I am merely weary now. The interview is on Friday next, so I have nearly a week to prepare myself for a new life. As to my lord and master, I shall at least try to find a kind one. Perhaps S- will have me after all.

I should like to say that it all stems from the duel, but really there were doubts before that. Thierry, whose christian name I shall use no more after this, was not someone who could exist in my world. Happy though we undoubtedly were in Saint Saturnin, even in Riom we were always hiding our true relationship, and so much more so in Paris that he had to appear as my servant! Yes, it might have been possible for me to marry him, but society would never have accepted us, my own friends could no longer associate with me. I have seen enough of the happiness that such a marriage may offer from the example of my own mother, and enough to know she could never go back. I may attend anything, everything, but she is not the dowager Countess of Auvergne anymore, only Madame Cordelay. I do not wish to lose the life I know.

For my children also, this is a wise choice. I may say that I have given them a dear gift, a duchy, and the hope for a happy future, whatever the cost to myself. It would be selfish of me to deny them that so that I alone may be happy. The fact that I may one day have to counsel my own daughter toward an unpleasant duty, is somewhat harder.

The duel was only the finale to a realization which has been assailing me for months, which is that Thierry and I are not the same. I can be calm, I can be sensible of my duty and my best interests. I need not consult an unruly heart to find my course. He may chastise "my people" for how we spend our time, and lament the failure to attain that which I came for, but by doing this I will have attained so much more, only for someone else. If he is so unimpressed with us, then he will not feel much affect at being thus freed to pursue someone closer to his own nature.

I will be content with future I have thus chosen. I refuse to allow regret to steal my happiness away.

Olympe, Comtesse

Book Review- Mme de Pompadour: Mistress of France

Usually I wait until I am finished reading a book to review it, which only seems fair, however having read this book a year and a half ago and only re-reading it now I am reminded of enough of the content and style to give it what I feel is a fair review.

Madame de Pompadour: Mistress of France by Christine Pevitt Algrant, is a work of charming depth and character. It follows a largely chronological timeline, which is somewhat necessary when tracing the life of a single person. Many biographers fall into the trap of excusing or elevating their subject, and ignoring their flaws, but Ms. Algrant largely avoids this showing us instead what we know of the true feelings and hardships of this remarkable woman, sometimes even giving us a glimpse of the contradictions of character that existed; such as how truly loved Louis XV was, and yet how indifferent to her own family Mme de Pompadour could be. There is, however, always a distance when looking at Madame de Pompadour, wherein we are not able to put ourselves in her shoes. So many of her actions are seen through the eyes of others, and the machinations she used were so well-concealed that they remain speculatory.

The one thing that I wish had been touched on more in the book was the relationship that Mme de Pompadour had with children, especially her own daughter, Alexandrine. It is reported almost in passing that Alexandrine was born, almost certainly the true daughter of Jean-Antoinette's husband, and that she died in 1754, around the same time that the King had a daughter with another mistress. Other than that though, there were less than five pages wherein Alexandrine was even mentioned, and then only in the context of her mother's ambitions. Perhaps this is because that is all that her daughter was to Mme de Pompadour, a chess piece to be manuevered; but if that were the case it still might bear more elaboration, but this is only my opinion.

Overall the book is an easy read at 291 pages, I actually zipped through it in one evening as soon as it arrived, but am now reading more slowly to savor the vignettes it offers. For a fairly thorough biography of a beautiful, intelligent and cunning woman who was a major player in her time, this is an excellent start.

December 9, 1779

Though it threatened rain again today, it became merely clear and cold by afternoon. F- and R- were with me discussing the duel, when R- became impatient. He declared that the weather was caused by M- who was beleaguring God with prayers for delay. He swiftly sent a note by his man to the Marquis de Menars, accusing him of stalling, and saying that the weather was quite fine enough to die under if he would hazard it; or else that he could admit himself mistaken, take back his words, and all would be forgiven. By and by word came back that Menars would attend R- outside the city where there was less chance of being discovered.

Knowing this to be all the fault of my own petty game, I could not let them go without me. Nor could I in truth remain waiting for some fatal word to come. We took F's carriage, as they did not want to risk mine being recognized, and met with M- outside the gates, and thence some distance further into the country. I was ill at ease when I saw that we were near a church, but reasoned that at least there would be a priest at hand should one be needed.

Menars allowed one of his seconds to introduce himself, and then asked R- who his seconds were. F- was there, but in all of our haste we had not noticed the absence of Comte d'Antraigues who had agreed to stand as well. M- smiled condescendingly and inquired if we had at least remembered a sword. Flustered R- ordered that they begin.

The words exchanged, agreements to fight as gentlemen, though one man short they began. The first pass brought a wound on the hand for Menars, but when R- tried to call the duel on first blood he insisted that it was merely a scratch and that they must continue. The second exchange found Menar's sword tangled in R's sleeve. The third I did not see well, it happened so quickly, but after a flurry of action both men closed, and then slumped to the ground. F and I rushed to R who's shirt was soaked with blood and perspiration. He had a gash under his arm, but Menars was worse with a slash to the throat. The seconds met briefly and called the duel a draw as neither party could continue, and we rushed back to Paris to get a doctor for R.

Returning to Sully I was glad of the privacy of my living arrangements, for we were able to transport the weakened R- inside with very little chance of anyone seeing him. Duly the doctor was sent for, and while waiting for him to arrive I was greeted with the most unexpected news. Thierry was in Paris!

Unannounced he had come to Sully, and finding me out had agreed to come back later in the afternoon. I had, of course not informed my servants where I had gone or why, and so when Thierry returned he found the doctor hard on his heels. I had the doctor shown to R's bedside, and drew T- aside to explain what had happened.

Telling him the whole story, I was most suprised when he evinced anger and even blamed me for the entire event. There was an argument, and I suggested that he leave, but to my greater surprise he would not, he insisted on seeing R-. Feeling bewildered by his request I nevertheless did as he asked, and to my very great surprise, though he had not moments before condemned the practice of dueling, calling it "idiocy", he thanked R- for taking upon himself my own guilt.

This I was not, and am not still, inclined to like; and I was heartily embarassed that I should have made such an introduction. R- tried to be jovial, and teased me about my lover, but he was pale and breathed with difficulty. Finally the doctor left instructions for his care with my servants, and I paid him for his services as well as for his silence.

Thierry attempted some affection, but I have shut myself up in my room. His words will not leave me "This is how your people spend their time. What of your grand plan?" Word has come that Menars looks to survive, so that is something. I doubt that I shall sleep well tonight all the same.

Olympe, Comtesse

December 8, 1779

It has turned quite cold here, in fact there was snow on Sunday, and even some tonight. The weather waited just long enough, however for me to spring my plan on the unsuspecting M-. I had some suspicion that this would bring me guilt, especially as it is the season of Advent, but I did not guess at how different things might return to haunt me.

The weather being fine on Saturday, which was the 4th, I informed M- that I had planned for a walk in the Tuileries Gardens, and I even gave him an hour. I had intrigued with F- and R- to convince him that I could only be swayed by a man who was willing to make known his affection for me. Naturally there was only one conclusion the poor man could make.

In the afternoon I, along with both of my co-conspirators, took to the gardens, and there went also Menars. Finding us at last amongst the many promenaders, he proceeded to bend at the knee and offer verses of his own concoction in praise of my beauty. I did not immediately stop him, and so he continued to plead his love and beg of me release. Finally, seeing that we were the subject of some interest, I begged of him what encouragement I had given him that he might think me disposed to his suit, so much so that he would debase himself in public in such a way.

His blood drained from his face and then returned in force, as he realized that I never had publicly encouraged him, at least not more so than many others. He then turned on my companions and charged them with misleading him, but they also denied such things and professed astonishment at his words.

Then he made the mistake of saying to F- that he would demand satisfaction if he thought F- capable of holding a sword. R- stepped in quickly and said that he would answer for his friend, if M- sought satisfaction. Though aware of R's reputation as an excellent swordsman, M- addressed his challenge anew. The man named their seconds on the spot, and we withdrew in haste to Sully.

With some great trepidation I tried to convince them both to call it off, but they would not hear of it, and instead called for merriment, with many over-boastful jests in the manner that they should not look to live past the next day. I for my part could not pretend to be jovial, but instead found that I had no appetite for either food or laughter and retired to my rooms.

For the last few days now the duel has been postponed for the weather, but should it cease to rain, snow, and be terribly cold I know they will continue, for they talk of nothing else. I pray that it will come to a bloodless end.

Olympe, Comtesse

And I Quote...

"You are beautiful

so half the human race will be your enemy

You are brilliant

and you will be feared

You are trusting

and you will be betrayed..."

-Voltaire "Epistle on Calumny", 1733

December 2, 1779

For the moment our plan has been thwarted by the weather. Yesterday was too cold and today it rained continuously, and I believe still does. This is a disappointment, but it comes with an unexpected benefit. S- canceled his plans for a hunting excursion, and instead hosted a supper party with entertainment in the form of a fortune-teller.

Everyone crowded around the little table where she sat, and one by one we took the seat across from her. She examined our palms, and spread the cards before her for us to choose from. My palm predicted many loves and a long life, but one line branching off she said indicated I would make a sudden change and go in a new direction. I am uncertain what that portends, but in any case it is a harmless amusement with no sigificance. My cards were very hopeful and she told me that nothing could stand in my way, that I was destined for great things. It would be nice were it true.

Olympe, Comtesse