December 8th, 1786

Received a considerable shock this Thursday last when, who should show up on my doorstep, but the Chevalier. Evidently he did not take my lack of communication as intended to indicate that his presence was no longer wanted at Portaberaud, and came to visit, as was his original plan. Being that he was already there I could hardly turn him away into the cold night, so he was permitted to stay, which led to us engaging in a rather frank discussion. In truth it hearkened back to the kinds of talks we used to have when we first began this misadventurous romance. It meandered through topics, dear and distant; and we expressed the deepest fears of our hearts as well as our cherished dreams. He insists that his relationship with that actress is naught but a fond friendship and asked if I would wish him to abandon her as a friend; to which I responded that I should wish for him to abandon her as a potential lover. He said he already had, and swore again that nothing of that nature had passed between them. I for my part shall continue to monitor all correspondence I may find access to, and toward this end I have enlisted the aid of my maid, Marianne. 

The Chevalier is to remain on with us for some weeks, departing again for Paris and his father's house just before Christmas. During that time Marianne will assist me in locating any letters, diaries, or notes which are between he and the actress or any other woman who is not already known to me. Nor am I so foolish as to overlook anything which may be addressed to a false name, or a coded reference. I wish to trust, but I find it necessary that I should protect myself from future pain and embarrassment by taking the reigns now and ensuring that my trust is deserved. I will find ways and reasons of separating him from his room and belongings, and Marianne will, in the guise of her duties, search for anything which seems potentially suspicious. These she will bring to me, taking care to note their position so that they might be returned as if undisturbed, and I will explore their contents for signs that he is or has been false. 

Should no cause for concern be found, so much the better. If something of note is discovered, it will be all the proof needed to cast aside his hollow oaths and banish him from my company forthwith. I will then need never wonder if I have been hasty or unkind; and he will be unable to defend his actions as misunderstood rather than sordid as they will have been indeed. I do not like having to pursue this course of action, but I think it must be done. It is too easy for my gentle heart to be abused, I do owe it protection where I am able. 

-Olympe