November 14th, 1786

 

The Chevalier and I have had a falling out, and I do not know if it may be repaired. I had thought, being in Paris together, that he and I might spend more time together, especially as I have been staying with him more nights than at my own hostess' home. The nights I have had, but the days have brought endless reasons why he must attend to others elsewhere. Even as I have sat embroidering a waistcoat for him, he has busied himself with writing letters locked away in his study. Being curious at the change in attentiveness I went into the study one day while he was out, supposedly on urgent business, and in one of the drawers of his desk found a series of letters from an actress- an actress!- named Charite. Doubtless that is not her real name, and I did wonder if it might be a tender epithet for some other person, but though their letters do not detail a romantic liaison, the tone of the writing is extremely warm, with him promising to do his utmost in pursuit of her good. I recall clearly the days when he used to write such things to me, but alas, they are far behind us. She referenced in one such letter a book which she had given him, and which he had brought with him to Saint Saturnin and taken great delight in reading. I now know from whence the delight truly came; not in the subject, but in the source. 

My heart is full sore and I have returned to Elizabeth's to pack my few things and travel tomorrow to Riom, probably for the duration of the season. The Chevalier denied all at first, and then admitted to feelings of warm regard beyond that of friendship, but insists no untoward actions have taken place. Pressed upon the subject of other near-dalliances, he admits to a further one with a woman whose name I even now forget who lives here in Paris. I shall never now feel safe in my affections for this man and have cried my heart to bursting when I had hoped to be done with tears at last. His odd indifference towards me at times is now fully explained, and my own fears confirmed. I should trust my instincts more.

I have acquainted Elizabeth of the events precipitating my departure and she is very sympathetic. She encourages me to break off all contact with the Chevalier, which seems good advice. I have written as well to the Comte de Menars for any news he may have heard of either of these affectionate friendships, as he is well-connected in social circles in Paris, but as of yet there is no word. I have informed him that my intent is to travel to Riom shortly, so he will likely respond to me there. The Chevalier had been invited to Portaberaud in a few weeks, but I should not think it likely that he will now come. I am not inclined to make him welcome in any case. He was to have met Maman there, but I suppose I will have to admit the reasons for his absence to her now.

-Olympe