It is almost October now and there is a chill in the air early and late. Autumn has always been my favorite season, which I believe probably is because of how undeniably beautiful Auvergne is at that time of year. It troubles me that I will miss the season at home; which would be a small price to pay if some success in our venture could be assured, but it is not. I am still struggling with questions of returning or staying. I have informed most of my acquaintance that I will be here until the end of the year, and so to run home sooner might indicate a defeat I am not willing to admit.
Mass yesterday was interesting in that I had offers from several gentlemen to accompany me home, all of which I refused for fear of showing favoritism. If I were more of a coquette I would favor first one and then another in a different way, thus holding them all hopeful but distant. Alas, I am not of such a mind! I miss T- but our letters have become less frequent. I do not lack for offers, and am all too aware that an unmarried woman with land and a title is desirable at any age. Is it wrong of me to believe that I may have the man I desire, and the future that I want? Must I compromise; or is that selfish of me? God seems to give little indication of the correct path. Maman, on the other hand, is not bereft of advice on the subject, but I will not tax myself with remembering that aggravation.
A letter from Christine last week brightened my spirits considerably, and I think I must answer it soon. She gives me great solace, even from afar, and as with people who do not offer their advice too pressingly, I am inclined to listen to the suggestions she makes.
Msr. Poisson's advice on the subject of the reacqusition is to wait. I have said to everyone I've met in the last several weeks "I will wait and see what happens." Again and again, the same phrase, but I long for soem decisive action. I cannot believe that any commander in history won a battle, much less a war, by waiting to see what transpired. Which reminds me, the gossip from the colonies is that we are doing well, but nothing more decisive than that has been heard.
I have new silk stockings and a red silk fan which is charming, but I am bored with my hair and must get my hairdresser to do something different with it. It is past noon and I should see to my appointments. There is a dinner party tonight given by the Countess of Rochechouart, who is a very interesting woman, and I should not be sorry to know her better.