September 10th, 1786

The Chevalier and most of my guests departed this morning to return to Versailles. Tomorrow I and dear Emilie depart ourselves from Riom for the more rugged beauty of Saint-Saturnin, weather permitting. The skies this afternoon were cloudy, but the sun broke through here and there giving me hope for an untroubled journey. In truth I would not venture away at present as my soul welcomes the cool, gray, rainy days as kindred spirits and they are fine accompaniment to comfortable hours reading by the fire. I confess here and to no other that I was a bit disappointed that not all my company wished to return together, fond of Emilie though I am, but I have never been overly inclined to spend a great deal of time with other people. It is not in my nature. 

Still, it is kind of her to stay and I strongly suspect that she is under secret orders to remain and cheer me until the Chevalier can return. I cannot shake a, perhaps ridiculous, notion that she and and he are very familiar, and he certainly seems at least as fond of her as I am, nay, more so. She is younger, and I fully admit, prettier. Perhaps not so well read, but certainly less opinionated. She is full of good humor and has the merriest expressions to match, so much so that at times for my part I find her tiring. He does not. Instead he seems to find me tiring, and I cannot blame him much for that. Those who are cheerful will always be preferred to those who are sad. 

She is, like myself, a widow, and not without independent means. Unlike me, she has a young son who is being raised by his paternal grandfather in Paris at present. I wonder if she had not accompanied the party to Riom would so many have come? They did beg of her to come away with them, but as I said I suspect she was asked to remain. I dare say I think my voice finer, but the Chevalier did not comment upon it as I had thought he might when he heard me. My expectations do disappoint me rather more than his actions, so it is not fair to blame him for it. 

Tonight we dine simply and I hope will make a quiet evening of it, then early to retire while the household prepares for tomorrow. I used to feel more myself at Saint-Saturnin than anywhere else in the world, I hope it will prove true again. I cannot share my companions' enthusiasm for court at present.  I miss Thierry and wonder if it will ever not be so. Emilie seems untroubled by her losses, would that I could be more like her. 

Olympe