Friday, December 18, 2009

December 14th, 1779

It being the Tuesday before my audience with the king, I had felt it necessary to break off the liason between Thierry and I. Therefore, with a firm heart, I called him to the library, where I resolutely gave him my reasons, and asked that he leave and not attempt to see me ever again.

Distraught though he was at this, he seemed to accept it. He left Sully shortly thereafter. Making plans to visit R- at his home where we moved him as soon as he was well enough I prepared to leave home. Hearing a commotion at the entrance I sent Pauline to inquire after it's cause. She returned shortly and informed me that Thierry had attempted to return and see me. I had taken the precaution of informing the household that he was not to be admitted, and so he was eventually persuaded to depart.

I myself left to see R- shortly thereafter, fearing that Thierry might stop the carriage or cause some kind of scene, but he did not appear. F- was there, and I spoke to both of them of my decision and impending audience, and also of the incident already related. They questioned my resolve, but I am proud to admit that I held firm.

Upon returning to Sully I received a letter from Mme Le Sang-Boeuf who said that a lackey had delivered it, and insisted that it should be read by none but me. Opening it I found that it was from Thierry. He wrote:-

"Mme la Comtesse,

I know not in what way I have offended you so deeply that you would seek to overthrow the life we have enjoyed. Time has not been our friend, and society has not welcomed us as we are, it is true; but we have always sought to rise beyond the bounds of formality and to live in accordance with our hearts and minds, rather than as others would have us do. You now tell me that you would prefer the company of one who will rule you, but I believe that this is only the pressure of others. I hope you will remember in time that while it may be of a selfish nature to insist on the life that you wish for, that it is a gift you alone may give. For my part, I am, as I shall always remain...

Your Friend,

I have read and re-read his words tonight, and they haunt me. I feel as if a great chasm has opened before, and I must surely fall, no matter what.

Olympe, Comtesse

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